I wrote one of these posts some time ago and I seem to recall it being quite popular. .. so here is another one for you.
Dear people of Apple Inc……
The chances of me meaning “he’ll” when I type “hell” are practically non existent. I will never ever mean “he’ll” so please do not keep auto correcting “hell”. When I type “hell”, I mean “hell!”
I am fairly certain that we did not just have an extension built on to our home and furnish it with a lovely new 3 seater settee and an all singing all dancing 3d smart TV for you own personal enjoyment. Shift!
Dear rude old lady in the coffee shop……
I have no idea why you thought I was looking at you. I wasn’t. No I am not interested in which secret service you used to work for but I am quite sure you shouldn’t be telling me anyway. I am however intrigued as to why you eat a chicken and avocado salad for breakfast every day at 08:30 but do not wish to know you views on what you think of the colour of my nail polish.
I have racked my brains good and proper and checked every highway code known to man. I still cannot find the part where it says you have a right to cycle straight through a red light. Please enlighten me.
Dear next door neighbour…….
You appear to have been constructing what looks to be some sort of tomb in your back garden………I like your style. Can you please come and build one in my garden????????? If anyone asks, its a raised bed.
Having started long and complicated root canal surgery of weeks of pain, following up with the words “I AM trained to do this BUT….” do not fill me with great confidence! See ya!