I often liken myself to Bridget Jones, but the difference being I am not the singleton, I am the smug married one. Apart from that we are very alike. Scarily. I mean not everyone has drunk so much alcohol, (namely a jug of long island iced tea through a straw and bottle of wine washed down with Sambuca) that they have projectile vomited over their best friend in public at the age of 35. Or driven into a parked car because they were too busy looking at a house that might be for sale and then claimed a giant lorry forced her off the road. Or written comments on Facebook which almost got her sacked. Or more recently, (last month) walked round the local Waitrose with her skirt tucked into her knickers. You can see the resemblance can’t you. I wish I had made that lot up but sadly it is all true. I am Bridget Jones.
So of course I acted like the professional adult that I am when I heard about the arrival of the next instalment of Bridget Jones, Mad About The Boy. I squealed with excitement at a pitch only my two beagles could hear, clapped my hands excitedly and did a happy dance around the living room.
When I read Bridget Jones’s Diary I was in my mid twenties, and as I have moved on so has she. She is in her late 40’s now and apparently mother to Daniel Cleaver’s child, this has yet to be confirmed. I too am a mother but thankfully can boast only to be in my early 40’s…VERY early 40’s. But I wonder how the modern day, middle aged Bridget is coping with technology, social media, the latest diet and fashion trends?
Here, I am imagining the current Bridget Jones…Bridget? Welcome back!
Bridget and … Social Media.
Thursday 12th September
Weight: 11st 10lb (as I am off to Marbs on a girlie weekend I can eat what I like and the diet starts errrr daily actually)
Alcohol Units: 10 ( I have been dry for three weeks to prove a point so I have some catching up to do and counts towards my 5-a day)
Calories: MyFitness Pal failed to synchronise so basically zero then. Happy face (or insert emoticon as is the norm for all communication these days).
Cigarettes: 0 (smug face, cancels out some of the alcohol). Note to self, must get batteries for new electronic cigarette thingy.
WIWT: (What I Wore Today) Nice floral dress, matching tights, boots and tweed jacket. The skinny jean thing must seriously have seen its day by now, surely? Please someone can we move on? Oh and of course my big knickers. Oh Spankx how I love thee and never forget the day you came into my life. We were made for each other. I knew my big knickers would catch on.
Daniel has dropped the boy off at school (Private of course – meaning I have had to get myself a job to help pay the fees, not to mention the uniform…) so I can come into work early and check the social media accounts for all our clients. Why these people can’t just pick up the phone I will never know. It’s good to talk. A whole advertising campaign has been launched on this so it must be true.
I may have told a small white lie about my media background when applying for the job. But Social Media, can’t be that hard surely, I am sociable and I have worked in the media. Perfect fit really. But nobody told me I needed to be some techno whizz and that I would be carrying about more 21st century gadgetry than you could shake a stick at, or indeed need to learn another language…. namely geek speak.
Bored of dull tweets and self-promotion so bought 5:2 Diet book on Amazon and joined the forum on My Fitness Pal.
Decided today is a non-fasting day so off to the canteen for a cronut. I read about them on twitter, they are latest craze. Not sure I am convinced as I have not seen them on Great British Bake Off or #GBBO as we know it on twitter. (You are impressed with my knowledge I can tell.) They are a cross between a croissant and a doughnut. Took a picture on Instagram and then recorded each bite on Vine. Would have posted on Google + but still don’t get it, although the idea of a Google hangout is my kinda thing. Ideal place for a first date, that or Skype. Although sadly my only experience with Skype involved me forgetting the camera was on and performing my best rendition of I Will Survive in my underwear to the boys school chums.
Back to the desk but before logging back on to client accounts, check Daily Mail for celebrity news. Kate Middleton is just lovely. A quick game of Bejewelled won’t hurt but just don’t get me started on Candy Crush. Then read the glossary of text speak, internet slang and acronyms as I have no fudging idea what any of this trash on twitter actually means. If I am to keep this job I am going to need more wool than a flock of overgrown sheep to pull over my bosses eyes. I just need the odd hashtag interjected here and there.
Cleaver drops boy back having filled him with sugary treats and inappropriate movies so I will need to scrape him off the ceiling before getting him to bed.
Boy in bed, but not before our weekly language lesson, where the boy teaches me the lingo of the youth today and that ‘LOL’ no longer means Lots Of Love and that Facebook is for old people, and that internet trolls are not ugly monsters but people who start arguments or upset people online.… Oh well, must make the most of things and embrace new things, after all YOLO.
If you have written or would like to write a diary entry, I would love to read them. Post your links in the comments below. This could be fun!